


Sweet Desire

by dearparker



Series: whumping peter parker like it’s a full time job [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Bisexual Female Character, Bisexuality, Broken Bones, Captain America's PSAs, Comfort/Angst, F/M, Horny Teenagers, House Party, Hurt Michelle Jones, Hurt Ned Leeds, Hurt Peter Parker, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Virginity, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Tony Stark Coparenting Peter Parker, Michelle Jones Is a Good Bro, Mistakes, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, PETER SCREWS UP BIG TIME, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Swears, Peter Parker is a Mess, Peter is Not Impressed, Songfic, Teen Peter Parker, Tony Stark Is Not Helping, Underage Drug Use, Underage Sex, captain america would be disappointed, everybody needs a break, shitty attempt at humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:20:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24191215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearparker/pseuds/dearparker
Summary: “Dude we’ve watched Captain America’s PSA’s on safe sex since the seventh grade and you’re telling me you didn’t use a fucking condom?” Ned whisper-yells, his hand gesturing wildly in front of him.“I can’t fucking remember!” Peter whisper-yells back.(Or, the story of how Peter Parker gets the biggest scare of his life, Ned Leeds deserves better, and Tony Stark really isn’t helping.)
Relationships: Betty Brant & Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Betty Brant/Peter Parker, Michelle Jones & Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Series: whumping peter parker like it’s a full time job [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1780081
Comments: 26
Kudos: 159





	Sweet Desire

**Author's Note:**

> this thought popped up in my head at random so here’s something for that
> 
> i think i wrote smUT and i didn’t really mean to but she’s there and she’s shy so be nice

In hindsight, Peter probably shouldn’t have taken that drink from some football player he didn’t know.

They didn’t even _look_ like they were in high school.

But then came the rush, and then the calm.

The tips of his fingers felt tingly, almost electric as he brushes them across his bottom lip. His other hand is holding his empty solo cup.

There was purple and blue seizure inducing lights flashing everywhere you turned, and he couldn’t remember where the kitchen was at this point.

Ned wasn’t here, neither was Flash. He couldn’t find MJ.

But he’s safe, he’s okay but the lights are hurting his eyes. He sniffs the air around him.

MJ was probably in the kitchen eating food, just like how she did at Liz’s party. But where the fuck was the kitchen?

Peter stumbled over his shoes, only a little thankful his solo cup was empty and nothing sloshed onto his red shirt.

He didn’t even know who’s party this was or why he thought it was a good idea to go, but Flash texted their groupchat with a random address and a time. He thought no harm being done, so why not?

So far everyone showed up except Ned and Flash, the former having just came home from Georgia after a long week with distant family and traditional food Peter didn’t know the name of.

Flash probably bailed last minute, or his parents finally got on his ass for his slacking grades.

_Ah, there’s the kitchen!_

Peter comes up to the counter, his cup dropping onto it weightlessly and it bounces twice. He frowns as someone else laughs.

He looks up, and makes eye contact with Betty Brant.

Her hair is pulled back into an _incredibly_ messy bun at the base of her neck but she smiles brightly, her cheeks flushed pink under the crappy lighting.

”Hey Betty,” Peter greets her with a smile.

“Hi Peter,”Her voice is soft and she waves a dirty butterknife around, a piece of toast on a cutting board.

”I found the Nutella,” Betty says.

Peter laughs and pours himself something that would most definitely make Captain America disappointed with the youth of today, and he grimaces at the amount of vodka he poured into his drink.

Betty pokes his shoulder and offers him a piece of toast with Nutella on it, eating half of hers in one bite.

He takes it without complaint and they eat in silence, thankfully ignoring the awkward tension in the room.

”How’s Ned?” Betty asks around a mouthful.

”Uhhh he just got back from Georgia, he was pretty tired though so he couldn’t make it,” Peter hiccuped in response. The music boomed throughout the house, chatter reaching different parts of the house.

The kitchen was dimly lit, the only light on being the one above the stove. It was enough though, and Betty smiles up at him.

He hates the feeling of accomplishment that runs through him over something so stupid; their height difference. Maybe it’s the fact MJ makes fun of his height at least once a week.

”Have you ever smoked before?” Betty turns her body towards him, and he notices her eyes are already red.

Peter shakes his head, and she perks up. She grabs his hand and tugs, still munching on the other part of her toast and she starts talking.

”Okay sooo you might be anxious and you’ll definitely cough, uhhh I don’t know what else to say,” Betty turns to him, “You look great in red.”

Peter blushes and there’s a crowd in the living room, the bass automatically assaulted his senses. People are jumping, shouting the lyrics of whatever song playing right now and his hand is growing suspiciously sweaty.

They end up outside, where there’s a bonfire with a small group of people circling it. MJ is there, and another girl has their arm around her waist.

His eyebrows raise, but he doesn’t say anything else.

Betty greets MJ and the other girl, her hand still holding his firmly. His cheeks are flushing red which MJ automatically snickers at.

”Peter’s never smoked before!” She whisper-yells and quite literally flops onto the floor. Peter follows her lead, but with a little more care.

The girl beside MJ sticks out her hand, “Hey, I’m Reyna.”

He shakes her hand, “Peter.”

Reyna smiles and she pulls something out of her pocket, and tosses it to Betty. She drops it on accident.

MJ steals Peter’s solo cup and takes a sip, her eyes blowing wide in surprise. His cheeks are permanently flushed red at this point.

_Betty’s still holding his hand—_

Something comes into his vision, which is extremely blurry, and it takes him a second to realize that it was the thing Reyna gave Betty.

She rests her chin on his shoulder, “ _If_ you want to smoke, you should probably do it now.”

”I-I don’t know...”

”Relax Parker, if you don’t wanna do it you don’t have to. Truly. But do it.”

MJ is wiggling her eyebrows and Reyna took it upon herself to finish his drink, her face scrunching up then Betty starts to chant his last name.

He sags in on himself a little as the three girls around him chant, his chest feeling a little tight.

_Oh fuck it._

He snatches whatever it is in Betty’s hand, and he hopes for the best.

He definitely coughed. And cried.

MJ had snorted so loud it made his cheeks flush as he coughed into his hands. Reyna rubbed his back sympathetically, and the tears rolled down his cheeks faster than he could apologize.

He does it again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

...And again.

Until frankly, his head feels like a fucking bubble and he’s laughing into Betty’s shoulder. His head feels like a bubble.

That’s being poked by the bass guitar but dammit if it doesn’t feel absolutely _great._  
  
MJ shakes his shoulder and her eyes are puffy, but her smile is loud, “I’m going to walk Reyna home, you good here Parker?”

”Ye..Yeah. You two be safe okay?” Peter replies and he misses her fist bump on accident. She shoves his shoulder instead with a chuckle.

He watched her and Reyna walk away with their hands intertwined. The heat of the bonfire makes his skin feel warm, but he can’t tell between that or the blush on his cheeks.

Betty’s giggling in his ear and he feels great.

”I hope they get together,” Peter mumbles to himself and he plays with her fingers, only slightly noticing his phone buzzing against his thigh. It continues to buzz for a few minutes.

Everyone around the bonfire is having a great time telling old stories that buzz in the back of his mind, their words sound like the strum of a guitar and Betty smells like _A Thousand Wishes._

There’s a cool breeze that cause goosebumps to race up his arms, and he feels amazing.

”Here,” Someone places a few pieces of chocolate in his hands and he probably sounds stupid, but he gasps like a little kid.

The guy has thick frames on his face and a red beanie on his curly hair, he offers them and bright smile.

”You’re so pretty!” Peter shouts after him, and the dude waves awkwardly after retreating to his spot by a shorter girl with an afro. She waves too.

”Let’s go get some more food,” Betty hits his hand lightly and drags him to his feet. They walk, more so stumble, back into the house and the bass hits them harshly. It leaves her chuckling to herself.

They both stumble into the kitchen again, the Nutella mysteriously disappeared along with the bread. They raid the fridge and somehow manage to find some not-expired whole milk.

Peter’s digging through the dishwasher for some clean bowls when he feels eyes on him. Betty’s leaning against the counter with half lidded eyes, her faded t-shirt bunched in her hands.

She plays with the tag on the inside of her shirts, he noticed that.

”How come you don’t wear that to school?” Peter grumbles, finally finding two clean Tupperware bowls. There’s Cocoa Pebbles already on the counter.

“Oh my father... some stupid dress code he enforces because he thinks it’ll protect me,” Betty rolls her eyes.

”Get a taser,” Peter replies.

”I already have one,” She laughs and pours them large bowls of Cocoa Pebbles, spilling the milk on the counter. She just wipes it with her hand.

He can still taste the flavor of... whatever it’s called. Reyna’s pen. Cart? He doesn’t know, but it tasted like straight up tree bark. The center of his chest still felt incredibly tight but it was... the good kind.

There’s no clean spoons, so he uses a fork while she used a huge wooden spoon. He wants to snort for some reason but he refrains because he really doesn’t want to look like an idiot in front of Betty.

“You know what,” Peter speaks around a mouthful of cereal, “You’re really fucking fun to hang around Betty.”

She smiles and his head is spinning dangerously, but his heart is pumping fast and he’s not too sure whether it’s his phone protruding or something else—

“You’re also really fucking fun to hang around Peter,” Betty takes a bite of her cereal, looking up at him. Their shoulders keep brushing against each other and he hates the fact he’s never took the time to get to know her beforehand.

So he asks her stupid questions, like what her favorite color was or what was the name of her first cat and she answers with an answer that would probably be way too long if they were both sober.

They’ve pushed themselves onto the counter, sitting crisscrossed apple sauce across from each other. He’s still taller than her and he mocks her for it.

”Have you had your first kiss yet?” He finds himself asking.

“Yes actually. I kind of regret it though because one, I was sober. Two, it was with some eighth grader and I was in like... sixth grade. And three, he bit my bottom lip so hard it bled,” Betty chuckles, “I had to tell my mom I busted my lip falling from the monkey bars.”

Peter laughs along at the thought of an eleven year old Betty Brant getting her lip bitten into. She rests her chin on her fist and stares at him.

”You look really good in red,” Betty says through a smile, “You should wear it more often.”

”Nooo,” It’s dragged out through his mouth, “It drags—brings... unwanted attention.”

”So my attention is unwanted?” Betty gasps.

“No no no,” Peter giggles, “That’s not what I meant.”

She laughs loudly and it’s sharp, it makes him giggle like an idiot into his hand. There’s other people in the kitchen but they’re minding their business, rightfully so, and he laughs because no one is watching.

”So what about you?” Betty asks.

”Hmm?” He hums a reply.

”Have you had your first kiss?”

”Oh no, I-I haven’t,” He looks down so she doesn’t see his flaming red cheeks, his lips pressed tightly together.

She gasps in shock and he thinks she’s going to laugh, so he rushes to defend himself.

“I-I know it’s like pathetic as shit but I guess nobody wants to like kiss me and I would never force myself on any-fucking-one because consent is key, y’know? So I-I just haven’t—“

”Can I kiss you?” Betty asks, and he’s surprised when he immediately answers.

”Yes.”

Okay, things escalate very quickly which he’s starting to realize.

Apparently Betty’s lips are incredibly soft to him and he just finds himself kissing her over and over until they’ve somehow managed to stumble up the stairs, lock the bedroom door and fall onto the un-used bed.

Then she’s unclasping her bra and he starts kissing down her throat to her breasts, and if he was sober this would definitely not be happening. It would be way more awkward.

But it’s not now and she’s whimpering into his neck and he decides then, _it’s definitely not his cellphone protruding in his pants._ His heart is pounding so fast then she’s tugging on his hair and he’s moaning into her skin.

Peter’s a virgin, and he can’t speak for Betty, but he hopes this doesn’t change their friendship too much because then her pants are off and his head is in between her thighs.

Betty moans, _very_ loud. He realizes this after she orgasms and she’s panting, her fingers still gripping his hair.

He kisses the inside of her shuddering thighs, then he goes back to sucking on her breasts again.

She mumbles into his throat and the vibrations has him simply sweating, but then she dips her fingers into his pants and then Peter finds out another thing.

He moans, _even louder than she does._

Betty’s hands somehow work for the devil, because it’s like whiplash when he’s cumming in his boxers and moaning into her hair.

It escalates further until he’s found a rhythm good for the both of them and one hand is wrapped around the base of her throat and the other holds her thigh up. It’s still weird to him but he’s never felt this great.

Betty scratches a lot too, and he doesn’t really care that his back and hips will look like somebody took a red marker to them.

If he was sober, he’d probably marvel over how good pussy tastes but he doesn’t now because he’s _fucking Betty Brant_.

The room is dark except for the alarm clock that reads _3:42 AM_ but it’s loud especially when he groans ‘ _fuck_ ’ into her ear and she moans into his collarbones. 

They collapse and he should probably offer to get her a towel or something, but they both pass out before he gets the chance.

Getting cross faded apparently means sleeping for hours.

When Peter wakes up, there’s sunlight seeping in through the curtains and the time on the clock reads _11:23 AM_. His eyes feel heavy and the rest of his body feels light, that’s when he realizes he’s in fact, still as high as a kite.

There’s a buzzing noise on the floor and it takes him a second to realize that it’s his phone. He would love to get up, but Betty’s head is dangerously close to his barely-covered-up _no no square_ but it’s not like it’s her first time down there really.

He shifts her off of him while holding his breath, hoping she doesn’t wake up. The clock goes up one. She doesn’t wake up.

Peter halfway falls off the bed, hoping he can grab his phone before somebody catches a glimpse of his bare bootycheeks, but he has to dig into his pockets for a few seconds before he grabs it.

_Ah, you piece of junk I’ve missed you._

His lock-screen lights up with a new text, specifically from Mister Stark, and his heart abruptly drops through his ass.

_’Mister Stark: Parker, you have five minutes to respond before I harass your guy in the chair and invade your privacy.’_

_’Mister Stark: That includes hidden photos kid.’_

He gulps and types out a text, hitting send before he realizes that it’s horribly misspelled but he gets a new voicemail from Aunt May, adding on to the fifteen others she’d already left him.

He panics and calls Ned.

”Hey man!” Ned greets cheerily.

”Can you cover for me?” Peter whisper-yells, and he spares a glance at Betty’s sleeping form.

”Uh, sure but what’s the reason this time?” Ned asks, and in the background the shower starts running. There’s a door slam.

”I accidentally... fell asleep at this guy’s party. I forgot to tell May and she’s seconds away from killing me I swear Ned I’ll pay you back—“

”Hey relax man, I’ll cover for you. But call Aunt May!”

The line goes dead and Peter automatically calls May, apologizing as soon as she picks up so that she doesn’t yell. He can sense her anger through the phone, but she simply asks him to be home before three in the afternoon.

He ends the call with a relieved sigh, resting his forehead in his hands. He’s way too high to be this stressed.

”I probably shouldn’t have scratched that bad, huh?” Betty croaks into the pillow beside him, her eyes slightly watery as she looks at his exposed hips. If someone else saw them, they’d think something very _very inappropriate ._

Peter shrugs his shoulders, ignoring the slight sting of pain, and he turns to her. She pushes herself into a sitting position and he feels like he should look away because her breasts are out, but he doesn’t want to make it awkward.

Also, she probably doesn’t care. But damn, that’s a lot of hickeys.

“So how was that for your first kiss?” Betty looks smug.

He barks out a laugh, it echoes around the room and he scrunches his eyes shut, “Pretty damn good.”

She smiles and stands, stretching her arms above her head. Peter grabs his boxers and slips them on, his shirt wrinkled beyond belief under the bed. They both get dressed, and he can’t help but feel hopeful this won’t change anything between them.

She’s wiping down her stomach with a wet rag from the bathroom and Peter steals the homeowners black and blue flannel, only feeling a little guilty.

They both use the mouthwash from the connected bathroom and she makes him use eye drops, splashing water on his face also.

”So I’ll see you on the first day of school?” Peter asks in the doorway of the bedroom, his hair still tangled from his sleep and the unforgettable night before. _Are we still friends?_

Betty smiles, “You better be wearing red.”

_Yes._

In hindsight, Peter probably should’ve checked his clothes before he got back to his apartment.

Because not only did Aunt May see it, but so did Mister Stark, because apparently leaving texts on delivered guarantees a visit to the Parker Apartment.

But they saw the giant cum stain on his thigh.

He ran into his room before they could laugh like hyenas, slamming the door closed in May’s bright red face. Tony’s laughter carried throughout the apartment for an _entire half hour_.

It was simply torture.

By the time Peter got to shower and wash his body, kick his clothes into the corner, Mister Stark managed to pick the lock on his bedroom door.

Now he’s laughing into his hands on the chair in the corner and Peter’s gripping the towel on his waist.

_G-d please give me patience—_

”So Mister Parker,” Tony wheezes, “It seems like you—Jesus Christ did you get into a fight with a blender?!”

Peter’s ears are hot as he tugs his towel higher to cover his hips, Tony laughing so loud he has to bend over and tuck his head between his own thighs.

He grumbles under his breath, his grip on the towel extra tight. He feels like his brain was tossed out the window.

”Mister Stark,” Peter whines, feeling extremely self conscious at the moment.

May won’t notice he’s still higher than Snoop Dog, but he might blurt something and completely ruin his cover.

She bought strawberries the other day and he really wants to eat the entire thing but his tongue feels heavy in his mouth and then his cover would definitely be blown.

”O-Okay I’ll quit,” Mister Stark says with a content sigh, “I want details though. The juicy gossip. Spill the tea.”

“Oh G-d please stop.” Peter grimaces and Tony laughs loudly into his hand.

”Come on kid this is fucking funny!”

”No the fuck it’s not—“

”Hey watch the language—“

”My bad Mister Stark but like—“ Peter exaggerates his awkward movement and his eyes are blown wide, “I’m not gonna tell you about my first time while I’m literally butt-ass naked under this towel—would you _stop laughing?!”_

Mister Stark is wheezing so hard there’s not even noise coming from his mouth anymore, tears streaming down his cheeks and his whole body shaking from his awkward-hunched over position.

His face never felt so hot. Literally never.

”Mister Stark get out.”

Mister Stark slaps his knee in response but he gets up anyway, wiping away the tears that collected in his facial hair when he stops in the doorway.

”Your Aunt has laundry detergent right?”

”Yeah why?” Peter furrows his brows.

”She’s gonna need a lot of it to get that big ass cum stain out of your pants—“

”Mister Stark _get out!!_ ”

Peter knew everything was too good at the moment.

So when he got a text from MJ, telling him Betty missed her period, he ran all the way to Ned’s house in a wave of panic.

He bangs on the door for twenty-three seconds before Mrs. Leeds opens it looking flustered.

”Hi Mrs. Leeds, is Ned here?” Peter’s shaking his fingers, trying to rid himself of this anxiety but he feels so fucking stupid.

”He’s upstairs dear.” She steps aside and he takes off his shoes at the door. He tries to act normal but it’s been three days since he’s had sex and gotten cross faded so he feels... weird.

Ned’s room door is wide open, the teenage boy sitting on his floor with bags of pretzel sticks and Doritos beside his legs. He has his headset on and he’s mumbling into his mic.

Peter comes in and shuts the door as quietly as he can, his fingers tremble. Ned pauses his game and takes of his headset almost immediately.

”I really really really fucked up,” Peter begins to ramble, “Ned what the fuck do I do?! I can’t—Oh my gosh I’m freaking out and I-I—“

”Whoa, whoa, whoa calm down Peter!” Ned scrambles to his feet. He grabs his best friend’s shoulders, “What happened?”

”I fucked Betty Brant.”

”You fucked who?!” Ned stumbles back in shock, his hand to his chest. That was a huge stepping stone and it just—?

“Yeah Betty and I got high at that stupid party—“

”Y’all got high?!”

”—that Flash invited us to a-and then she kissed me—“

”Wow bold move.”

”—and then we were like fucking and she missed her period—“

”Y’all did what?!”

”—oh my G-d fuck!” Peter breathes heavily into his hands, “Dude what if she’s pregnant?! I-I can’t.”

”I would make a great uncle.”

” _Ned_!”

“Okay relax!” Ned exclaims with a laugh. He guides Peter to his bed and they sit down side by side.

”Has Betty taken a pregnancy test yet?” Peter shrugs his shoulders, “Okay so there’s a chance she’s not! Maybe she fucked somebody else before or after you and it’s theirs!”

Peter stands up again and he begins to pace the room, his hands gripping his hair. “Ned I can’t be a teenage father and I’m sure she doesn’t want to be a teenage mother.”

“Well you used protection right?”

Peter stops to think, his hands still in his hair and his shoulders aching.

Apparently, weed and vodka affects his healing from healing certain marks, so the scratch marks and hickeys all by his _no no square_ are still dark against his pale skin.

But he can’t remember ripping open a condom packet, only tugging Betty’s lace panties down her legs.

Peter’s cheeks flush and Ned’s face completely drops.

“Dude we’ve watched Captain America’s PSA’s on safe sex since the seventh grade and you’re telling me you didn’t use a fucking condom?” Ned whisper-yells, his hand gesturing wildly in front of him.

“I can’t fucking remember!” Peter whisper-yells back.

“Peter Benjamin Parker I should whoop your ass—“ Ned shakes his shoulders so harshly it leaves his vision swimming, “What the fuck were you thinking?!”

”Uh... pussy tastes and feels good?” Peter yelps when Ned smacks his arm hard. “I’m sorry I wasn’t thinking!”

Ned glares at him, and he’s feeling especially stupid because he can’t even fathom the stress Betty is currently going through.

Peter hangs his head with a heavy sigh, his phone still clutched tightly in his hand. Ned exhales softly.

”Okay, I’m gonna warm up some leftovers for you and get you a bottle of water. Then we’re going to wait for news, and then we’ll figure it out from there.”

He wrings his hands together as his best friend leaves, the door left open. His phone’s screen is dark, no word from MJ or Betty herself, and it almost makes him puke just thinking about it.

What happens next? G-d, he hopes she’s not pregnant.

And if Betty _is_ pregnant, then he hopes it’s a girl they can name Heaven ‘cause that’s where she’s going—

“Here,” Ned says, a steaming Tupperware bowl in his hands, “My Aunt made it.”

”Thanks,” Peter sighs. He hasn’t even taken a bite yet when his phone lights up, MJ’s contact photo staring up at him.

The two boys freeze, staring at the buzzing phone and Peter promptly feels his heart drop through his ass. MJ’s contact photo disappears.

She calls again, but this time there’s a knock downstairs.

Ned whips around and he’s holding his breath. He’s probably freaking out now that the reality of this situation has finally settled in.

His door is still wide open and then MJ is standing there, her cheeks flushed as if she just ran all the way over here and her phone is still in her hands.

Peter shrieks, he rushes to his other best friend and Ned’s bouncing on the balls of his feet.

”Is Betty pregnant?” He asks, eyes blown wide.

”How do you feel about being a teenage father?” MJ replies.

Ned and MJ don’t see it coming, but suddenly Peter’s eyes are rolling into the back of his head and he’s hitting his forehead on the metal frame of the bed. There’s an audible crunch from his arm that’s now folded awkwardly under his body.

”Peter!”

MJ rushes forward just as Ned does and they slam into one another, and Ned rolls his ankle in an _extremely painful_ position that leaves him shouting.

As for MJ, she lands right on her ass and sharp pain starts running through her entire body. Her vision goes white and she’s like, seventy-five percent sure she’s shouted in pain.

Mrs. Leeds comes rushing in, TV remote still in hand and she takes in one unconscious teenager, another writhing in pain on the floor, and the other staring blankly at their extremely purple ankle.

She sees the blood dripping from the large gash on Peter’s head, and promptly, faints.

  
  


“Well... this is unfortunate.”

”Shut the fuck up Ned.”

MJ is angrily facing away from them, a pillow tucked between her knees as she lays on her side. Her clothes are in a bag beside her bed. Her gown seems to swallow her whole.

Ned has his foot in a blue cast, a small frown on his face and he fiddles with his IV. His little sister is drawing on it with her earbuds in.

Peter has a scowl on his face, half of his forehead stitched, purple and green, and wildly inflamed, it seriously looks like he’s been in a fight with a beehive. Maybe even a beehive with metal bats. His right arm is in a red cast, and he’s already hit it twice against the bed rails.

”I think Doctor Cho was really nice,” Ned purses his lips, “Five stars.”

”Personally, I think Doctor Cho deserves a _fat_ raise,” Peter winces, head throbbing.

MJ only groans in response, her face scrunched in pain. She’s never been this sweaty in her life, not even after that one time her freshmen PE teacher made the class run ten laps around the field.

She could not even fathom the amount of sweat that’s slipped into her eyes.

”Ah, if it isn’t my favorite trio. Truly, you’re problem children. Except you, little girl drawing on a cast,” It’s Tony, and Pepper Potts is following right behind him.

Ned looks at MJ, who still has her back turned on all of them. He shrugs.

”What happened?” Pepper asks, her eyes squinted in disbelief. MJ whips around and curses, partially from shock, mainly from the sharp twinge of pain.

Ned points at Peter, who squawks in betrayal.

Tony shares a look with Pepper, they both have their eyes squinted and Ned’s sister just bumbles past them to the hallway. Nobody pays attention to her.

”Does this also have something to do with when you came home and had the biggest cum stain on your pants?” Tony accused.

MJ barks out a laugh the quickly turns into painful coughs that has them wincing. Ned is laughing into his hands, wheezing at Peter’s bright red face.

She accepts the small cup of water Pepper hands over, “More so due to the fact Betty Brant is pregnant with Peter Parker’s kid.”

“WHAT?!”

The two adults in the room have their mouths open in shock, Tony’s face morphing into indescribable rage as Peter shrieks and pulls his scratchy blanket above his head.

Pepper is blubbering as she points at Peter’s hidden form, and it honestly looks like she’s about to have a stroke. MJ feels a little ashamed for blurting that out in the open.

Ned is wheezing so hard his face is turning red and Tony pulls so hard on his hair, it’s surprising that it doesn’t come out.

Then Tony starts shaking Peter.

It’s like a live version of Homer and Bart Simpson which makes MJ laughs along with Ned this time.

”Peter Parker so help me—“

”It was an accident I swear!”

”You fucking idiot—“

”I was high! Pepper help me!”

”YOU WERE ON DRUGS?!” Tony screeches.

”You’re not helping yourself Peter!” MJ laughs painfully.

”I can’t believe you got someone pregnant!” Tony grumbles after repeatedly shaking Peter so hard his vision blacked out multiple times.

He has the sense to look guilty.

”Oh she’ll definitely get an abortion, her parents are super strict. They’d probably kick her out if she kept it,” Ned mentions with a finger gun.

”I need to leave,” Pepper sighs and trails out the door.

It’s quiet for a few minutes other than MJ’s labored breathing, when Tony’s phone pings. He grimaces at the notification.

”All in favor of not telling Miss May Parker the real reason you’re here say _Condoms!_ ”

“Condoms,” The three teenagers shakily reply and Tony grins.

**Author's Note:**

> issa one night stand they’re not together in the end lol
> 
> I REALLY ACTUALLY LOVE THIS BC I KEPT MAKING MYSELF LAUGH AND TONY FR FR ISNT HELPING
> 
> LEAVE COMMENTS PLEASE AND BOOKMARK THIS SO OTHERS CAN SEE TYSM:)))


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